PG Post
Spoiler alert: If you plan to read A Bigger Life, skip this post.
Content alert: If you're uncomfortable with a PG-rated topic you might want to skip this post.
In my latest book, Joel, the 27-yr-old main character, cheats on his pregnant wife. Joel's a good man. He didn't intend for it to happen. Yet, even before his wife finds out what he's done, the fall-out from Joel's actions permeates every aspect of his life. Much of the story deals with Joel's guilt over what he has done and his efforts to put the sexual mistep behind him.
Reading readers' responses to the book has prompted me to think deeply about sex and its ability to mark, to change, to bind and to wound.
On the surface, sex is as simple as a few minutes of skin-on-skin friction between two consenting adults. Once the deed is done, it's done. Behind closed doors, it involves only the two people involved in the moment. Barring pregnancy or disease, a quick shower erases all traces of an encounter. Zip up. Button up. Don't speak of the details. Life goes on.
That's how Joel thought it would be. That's how modern society tells us it is.
No big deal.
But the truth is, sex is one of those Very Big Deals.
Married or single. Committed or casual. It marks us. It changes us. In a deeply mysterious way, even the most thoughtless encounters intertwine the very souls of people. There is no way around it. Whether it is intended or not, in the deeply spiritual connection that is sex, we leave a piece of ourselves with our partner. A bit of them stays with us, inside us, on us. Forever.
Is there forgiveness for sexual misdeeds? Of course. But is there a way to go back? Is it possible to become what one was before? I think Joel would tell us no. There is no way to undo what is done. One simply walks forward. Perhaps with a limp, but forward still.
posted by Annette Smith @ 9:51 AM
3 Comments:
Annette, thanks for your honesty. I appreciate it so much. Really. I think what I have found so great about Joel is that in my mind there's little room to doubt how he feels about his choices.
I think the key is in being humble/humbled by the consequences of your choices, acting accordingly and then maybe just as important as the confessing/humbling is to then see yourself through His eyes.
I think you make a good point about moving forward but maybe (?) with a limp. But at the same time, if a person remains in a humble state, seeing themselves covered by grace, there may not have the kind of limp that some walk away with.
There's a limp that could impede, block or make difficult certain activities. And if you become consumed by the sin, in spite of the forgiveness and grace He's given, your relationship with Him is what can become blocked. Changed forever? Yes. I think that's true.
Sex is not uncomplicated and without ties in spite of what the world says. But I think if a person is changed to the point of walking away crippled, there's a problem. It's kind of a weird thing. Maybe a bit of a paradox. Humble, contrite, acknowledging what you've done, what your sin has brought into your life and someone else's life, yet still seeing your identity through His eyes. And He looks at His children without condemnation and as complete in Him.
Wow, that was long! I need to practice writing pithy blog comments. :)
Elaina, great post. I agree with every word. Perhaps "limp" was a poor choice of words. I absolutely believe that no matter what our pasts, we are free, free, free in Him. No guilt, no condemnation. But yes, I believe that deep inside we are changed by our deeds. Not destroyed or damaged, but changed in a very deep way.
My point was that sex is powerful.
That is means something. Every time.
Sex between married couples changes them too. Every shared experience binds husbands and wives together more and more deeply.
Which is a very good thing.
Post a Comment
<< Home