Men Behaving Admirably

Men get a bad wrap these days. Too often, in the media, as well as in private conversations, men in general are depicted and described as violent, selfish, and unreliable. Married men don't fare any better than their single brothers. Watch any popular sitcom and you'll see husbands and fathers who haven't a clue. They're drags on their families. They are disrespect by their wives and children and the butt of every joke.

Such is not reality.

Last night at my hospice job I cared for five patients. Three of the five were married women whose primary caregivers were their husbands. These brave guys ranged in age from from forty to nearly eighty. One was a laborer. One a rancher. One a scientist with a Ph.D. Every one of them had stepped up to the plate. They were present for their wives when they were needed the most. Each of these men displayed kindness, tenderness, and love.

One spooned jello into his wife's parched mouth.

One lifted his wife to the toilet. Three times in less than a half hour, each time refusing my offer to help.

Another brushed his wife's chemo-thinned hair.

Each of them lavished their wives with amazing attention and care.

The ends of my patients' stories are not going to be good. Every one of these men will lose his wife. Most of them very soon. Tragic, yes. But in spite of their loss, I hope these men will find comfort in knowing that they gave the women in their lives the best that they could. No. They couldn't fix what was wrong or make it go away.

But they did what they could.

No small thing.