Marriage and Marigolds

It was a sunny May day when Randy and I spoke our vows under a massive oak tree in my parents' back yard. The base of the tree was ringed with yellow marigolds my mother had planted early that spring. She'd heard marigolds were a sign of faithfulness and she'd put them in the ground with my wedding day in mind.

On the day we married, Randy and I were young. Energetic. Naive. And hopeful.

Fast forward nearly twenty-seven years. We're no longer young and we've got the tired bodies to prove it. We aren't so naive any more. We've been through times that were so difficult hope was hard to find.

But we've stayed together and lately I've been thinking about why. Why are we still married when other good couples have broken up?

There's faith of course. And those vows we took.

Still.

My mind searches for something else.

It's not that we are the perfectly compatible couple. We're not. You'd have a difficult time finding as unmatched a pair as my husband and I. He likes TV. I like music. He loves sports. I like art. Randy has two speeds. Slow. And Medium. I have two settings as well. Mine would be Fast. And Turbo. Randy's blessed with an inborn spirit of laid-back contentment. Me? I'm rarely at peace. Always wanting, needing, seeking.

Something.

I never know for sure what.

Where Randy has plenty, I never have enough.

Times I wish my husband and I had more in common. More shared interests. More common friends. There are irritating things we keep doing to each other even though we should stop. We avoid conflict, which means we don't talk sometimes about things we should.

Even so. Randy and I still hang together after all these years.

Looking back, I've decided that the glue of our marriage boils down to one rather small thing. Nothing profound, but if you're interested, this would be it, the thing that keep us together in spite of our differences. In a world that sometimes pounds us, hurts us, and humiliates us as individuals, Randy and I are blessed. We each come home to someone who, no matter what, remains fiercely, unwaveringly, 100% on our side.

Which is actually a very, very big deal.